When your manager asks 'what adjustments do you need?'
That heart-sinking moment when you've finally been brave enough to disclose your ADHD to your employer and your well-meaning, supportive manager asks you: "what adjustments do you need?" 😵💫😳😢
The truth is, your mind is blank. You have absolutely no idea.
I wonder how many newly diagnosed / disclosed ADHD-ers can relate to the above.
Here is why it can be counterproductive to ask an ADHD-er what reasonable adjustments they need, especially when newly diagnosed:
1. Hypervigilance and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Hypervigilance and RSD might make us think we are talking ourselves out of a job. We don't know what is possible or what would be "reasonable" to ask for.
2. A lifetime of difficulties being minimised
A lifetime of our difficulties not being believed or minimised (isn't everyone a little forgetful sometimes? 😉) has resulted in many of us not understanding our own emotions and lacking self-awareness. So we don't often know what we need — we just know if things don't feel great.
3. 20,000 more negative comments by age 10
Research suggests an ADHD child receives 20,000 more negative comments about themselves than a neurotypical child by the age of 10 (and sadly this continues through life). As such, many of us lack confidence and doubt our self-worth. We blame ourselves for not being "good enough" for things we find hard, rather than recognising the need for an adjustment.
4. We see ourselves as the problem
We are often looking for solutions to make us able to function like "everyone else" — but that's not possible or necessary. We need support to understand who we are and to lean into our strengths, not to morph into a different person.
5. The 30% developmental delay
Crucially, many ADHD-ers don't fully understand the impact of the 30% developmental delay on executive function and how this impacts our daily lives.
What employers should do instead
Ideally, employers will:
- Offer actual tangible support, not just the promise of it.
- Offer ADHD-focused coaching or training. ADHD brains are literally wired differently — standard training methods often don't work and can leave the ADHD-er feeling more broken.
- Have a clear understanding of what ADHD is and run their own risk assessment of the work environment they provide.
- NOT offer a generic time management course or ask for time logs 🫠
- NOT suggest the ADHD-er shadows a high-performing colleague to "see how they do it" 😔
- NOT try to change the ADHD-er. They can't be anyone else and they don't need to be. Focus on what the ADHD-er naturally does well and work with them, not against them.
I'd love to hear from anyone who relates to this post or wants to know more ❤️