I need to say it, but I'm worried it will backfire...

After a lifetime of beating yourself up for not being able to do "the simple things," and a marriage where your spouse also reminded you daily of the same shortcomings, after years of this dual shame piling up, you finally understand why things were so hard.

There's nothing wrong with you, the support you need is just different to what's provided as standard.

You have ADHD.

Thing is, now you are going through a divorce, and a spouse who was unsupportive during your marriage is not likely to take this news well.

You already know all the horrible things they will think and say — that you're "playing the system," that there's nothing wrong with you, you're just lazy, selfish and unreliable, even narcissistic.

You know you are none of those things, and it hurts to think these are what might be thrown at you in solicitors' letters.

But you need to make the disclosure to get the support you need throughout the divorce, to ensure you are not unduly disadvantaged. Honestly, if your spouse is going to fling mud, they will. If it's not your ADHD, it will be something else.

Yes, it will hurt. But should that stop you getting a fair settlement?

At the end of the day, your spouse does not have to agree the settlement is fair — they just have to understand that the law sees it as fair, and that's the standard that matters.

It feels uncomfortable now. But will it still feel uncomfortable in 2 years, in the same way agreeing now to less than you should to shield yourself from your spouse's nasty comments would?